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How to Be Direct Without Being Bitchy

The Bailey Group | November 4, 2014 | Blog | Leadership/Other | 1 minute read

In a recent conversation with a client, she expressed frustration that her team members were not following through on work direction. Several balls had been dropped and they were now behind the eight ball. I asked her how she went about providing the work direction. In response, she read me the email she had sent, outlining her request.

I spotted the issue right away – she had used words like “suggest” and “consider” and “it would be helpful if” rather than being directive. In an effort to be polite and not ruffle feathers, she had essentially made it optional for her team to follow her direction.

Why is it that we hesitate to be direct in telling others what to do? Women might say that it is for fear of seeming like a bitch. But I don’t think this issue is gender based. I would surmise that men may avoid being direct for similar reasons – deep down, we all want to be liked. We form relationships and connections that we are loathe to risk. We let our fears drive our thinking and our actions.

What to do?

The long solution is to consider what you want to accomplish for the business. What are the important goals? Who is in the best position to help achieve them? Sit down with these team members and explain the goals and their role in achieving them. Set a deadline. Establish a way to check in on progress, both mid-way and at completion. Follow through on your commitment to check in.

The short solution – and this is what I told my client to do – is to tell people what they must do and when it must be done. Take the optionality out of it. Chances are they may be a little shocked by your assertiveness at first but they will also appreciate the clarity you have provided.

One caveat – reserve this short solution for important and urgent assignments. This preserves the shock value and keeps you from coming off like… well, a bitch.