I’m At The End Of My Rope Dealing With People Having Challenging Personalities…What Do I Do With Them? 2nd in Series of 2
If I have learned anything in 25 years as an executive coach it is that people don’t change that much. The leader who has a “difficult personality” early in their tenure will have one later. So, if one of your leaders has one of those “difficult personalities”, and it bothers you, do something. Accept it, change your own thinking about it, or help them find a different opportunity elsewhere. It won’t get better on its own.
How’s that for a provocative statement by an executive coach? I mean, aren’t executive coaches supposed to believe in the goodness and growth of all people? Well, yes I do believe that too. I believe my clients all essentially have “good intentions”. And, I believe that all of us have potential to change some behaviors as long as we have the awareness to see our behavior as others do, believe that our current behaviors are not always working well for us, and have a willingness to do the hard work of learning new habits.
But, will our fundamental personalities change? How we think, how we relate to others, our instincts about flight or fight under pressure? Nope, we just don’t change those things.
So, if you think one of your leaders has a difficult personality, think about what that really means to you and others. What behaviors need to be different and IF they do change, will that really matter? We can change behaviors but if someone’s personality just rubs us the wrong way and we (and others) have strong, negative emotional reactions to it, a few choice behavioral changes won’t fix it anyway.
If you are struggling with a leaders’ personality and wondering if it IS the problem you think it is, it probably is. Call me, I can help you talk through what you and others see and help you distinguish between what can be coachable and what cannot.
