How much of your day are you spending on shoulds, need tos and have tos? A friend recently heard me say I needed to do more of something and she busted me. She pointed out that need to is a sign of someone else’s agenda. Since then, I’ve been listening more closely to the way executive leaders describe what’s urgent and/or getting in their way. There are a lot of shoulds, need tos and have tos in their vocabulary, too. Sometimes they’re directed at others, but in large part they are referring to what they need to accomplish.

These are phrases filled with resistance. Resistance, meaning a refusal to comply with or accept. We all resist. Our brains are hardwired to keep the habits we already have programmed and to seek instant gratification instead of delayed gratification. Beyond the have tos and musts, there’s a desire to do something different, to have time spent differently. The musts are a clue to things you’d rather not be doing.

What about what you DO want to be doing? Launch a new start-up, transform a company, take a vacation or let go of talent that’s not a right match for the future. It can be a desire to have more time to think strategically, workout more often, eat healthier or spend more time with friends and family. These are all things I’ve heard clients say they want.

As George Addair said, “Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.”

What’s getting in our way? Fear. Resistance is a sign fear has emerged and is currently winning over what it is you truly want to create. And it does happen to all of us. Need another clue? What we resist persists. Annoying, I know. And true. So take a moment and think of those nagging, recurring dreams/thoughts/ideas/desires. You’re resisting doing them because you’re afraid, and not of failing, but of succeeding. Authors Marianne Williamson and Steven Pressfield both speak to this in their writings. What we fear—what we are resisting most—is being wildly successful at what we say we want to do.

What if… you didn’t resist?

1. The joint venture/merger/acquisition would move forward.
2. The executive leader who isn’t the right fit for the team or the future is finally let go.
3. The side venture/company you’ve been dreaming about becomes real.
4. The strained relationship with the board chair gets addressed by spending time together and investing in understanding one another to build an alliance.
5. As a founder, you realize you’re not the one to take the company to the next level and you begin to find your replacement. You then start your next company.
6. The little things that eat at your time get delegated to free you up for the things you’re best at.
7. Most of the have tos get replaced with the want tos.
8. You’d delegate more and better ideas would emerge.
9. You’d confront what you’ve been avoiding and get to resolution.
10. Working out gets worked into the day because you know it makes you a better leader.

 
Liberate yourself, your team and your company. Imagine the possibilities acceptance and action can bring to you both personally and professionally.